Every single time he walks back into my life... and then walks back out, I feel like I lose him all over again. It hurts. And it's so hard to move on. It's so hard to feel okay and be happy when I feel like I might get what I want. And what I want is him. Him and all his fucked up ways. His messed up head and indecisiveness. I fell hard in love with him. I fell too hard in love with someone who probably never really wanted the same things I wanted.

It definitely makes it more difficult to believe that there might be someone out there who will actually want to be with me. Who will say it and really mean it. Who will say it and actually do what they need to do to make it happen.

Words are cheap. Words don't love you; they don't keep you warm on cold nights. They can't wrap their arms around you when you've had a long day. They can't kiss you goodnight.

You would think it would get easier for me... to have him walk away over and over again. It gets harder. Every single time hurts a little bit more than the last. And I have no clue why.