I'm crying again

And all of a sudden I can't seem to stop. I haven't let myself cry in a really long time. Everything in me hurts.

It's been almost 8 months since we broke up and I feel no closer to feeling any better. Especially right now. I don't know why when he emails me or something I get so torn up about it. I'm a mess. I'm angry and sad and I miss him all over again. I cry so hard I can't breathe.... and all I want is for it to stop. I want to stop feeling so sad. I want to stop holding in everything I'm feeling while every single thing around me reminds me of him.

When I wake up in the morning I think of the times when I spent the night at his house. It's weird but I felt the most loved during these nights and mornings... when I'd wake up next to him and he'd look over and smile at me with his sleepy face. Or he'd grab me and hold onto me like he was never going to let go. Even when I'd wake up in the middle of the night because he'd accidentally elbow me in the face. There were those mornings though before he would have to go to work and I'd lay in bed and watch him put his clothes on... and sometimes he'd jump back into bed on my side to cuddle some more. He'd nuzzle his face in my neck and tell me that I'm cute. He'd leave to go brush his teeth in the bathroom and I'd make his bed. It's those little things I miss so much. And when we'd leave he'd be on his motorcycle and I'd watch him ride away down the street.

The way the sun shines around 8:30 in the morning always takes me back to the ride home from his house. I would drive home feeling so good and happy because I had him in my life.

It's strange the things you take for granted when you are in the moment. It sucks thinking about all the things I'll have to live without.. it's those things in him I loved so much that another girl may or may not get to live with.