Pain is just a simple compromise

I figure I hadn't been writing on this for any other purpose except maybe to vent?

It's doesn't have a theme... there's no rhyme or reason... It might even annoy you. But I don't even really give a shit.

I'm just a 25 year old girl suffering from a broken heart. I have been now since who knows when... I think even before it was over. But now it is for good.

There are people who think I'm insane... but those people don't know the feeling I knew being around him. No one knows about the moments when we looked into each others eyes and just knew. They don't know about the moments in the morning when he'd roll over and tell me I'm cute and cuddle me like he never wanted to let go.

Six months of doing the back and forth... and now there is really nothing left to be said except for goodbye. Every time it happens it hurts like hell... and I think that it's fine and that it's better this way. But I have so many moments where I feel like it isn't.

I'm having one of those moments.

I feel sad all over again. And I cry and cry until I'm dehydrated, my head hurts and my face is drenched with tears. And it sucks because there is nothing I can say or do. I know this feeling will pass and I'll move on... it just makes it so hard when you don't really want to even move on... because moving means forgetting about them.

It's weird when you think you won't fall in love again after being hurt so bad and then it happens when you least expect it. It's so hard to let it go and watch him walk away when you've tried so hard. When you've loved as much as you could ever love. And looked at him knowing he was the last man you ever wanted to look at like that.

But we walk away anyway. In the end it doesn't matter how much you love someone.

I'm sitting here in my room surrounded by clothes that need to be put in boxes and while I should feel excited for the new adventure I'm about to embark on my thoughts are turned to him...