Dating.
I'm going out on a date tonight... when originally I was supposed to be going out with him. Of course this is a normal thing... after a relationship is over no one wants to be alone so we go out looking for a nice replacement.
No one ever compares though.
I sit looking at the guy across the table from me wishing it was someone else. Wishing things were easy and different... but in my head and heart knowing that they aren't, and they never will be.
It's strange... the things that aren't necessarily good for us are the things we have the hardest time letting go of... For example: cheeseburgers. I love these things... and they are bad for me... but I can't not get one once I've smelled them.
With this particular male that I will never name... he's not necessarily good for me... but I love him to pieces and here I am having the hardest time letting go of him. I have a hard time picturing him with anyone else but me.
Every once in a while I'll think about the things I do/did love about him... and I realize it isn't/wasn't enough to make me truly happy. And someday I will find a guy who will do the things that will actually make me truly happy... and while love and relationships are never easy, being with him will be. I won't have to fight with him to see him. I won't have to worry about who he's texting or spending his time with. I won't feel like I'm just convenient. I'll feel like I complete him... like his life was missing something before I walked into it. And he'll remind me every single day.
I wanted it to be him. But he is who he is, and he wouldn't bend for me.
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