I saw him

It always seems to go the same way... he's reminded of how he feels when he's with me... tells me I make him happy and that he'll never deny that... and then nothing.

We go back to pretending the other person doesn't exist... that we didn't share those moments on Wednesday night that probably meant more to me then they did to him. And why would I feel that way? Because of the silence that ensues afterward... I could email him... but he wouldn't email me back. Why? I don't know. Because he's scared? Because he got what he wanted/needed and that's it until the next time he feels lonely...? It sucks feeling like you got used.... but in not wanting to feel that way... I think that maybe he just needs time to think... but that probably isn't it. He knows what he wants... and it isn't me.

I don't know why... but I downloaded "the tide" by the spill canvas... I love the things that remind me of him... but at the same time I just sit and cry when I listen to all the songs... and think about the moments we had together... And I feel so far from getting any better. I feel so far away from moving on... and sometimes I feel okay after we see each other... and then there is nothing. It almost makes me feel better that he gives me no hope that things might be different. It's just physical... Except it isn't.

I'm crying again... and I have to get ready for work.