We're strangers

He doesn't answer my emails anymore. While this makes me feel insanely sad, I know it's for the better. I need to move on.

I have to move on.

I have my days where I feel strong, and my days when I'm weak and everything reminds me of him. I have days when I wake up and he isn't on my mind, and then there are the days when I have to make myself get up out of bed and go through the day like my heart isn't broken... like I don't feel like crying.

When he signs onto aim I stare at his screen name thinking that maybe if I stare hard enough it'll will him to IM me. How ridiculous is that? You would think upon reading this that I'm some love-crazed 16-year-old girl with nothing better to do but love a stupid boy who doesn't deserve it. This really isn't the case. I'm 25 years old with a lot of things to do actually. With a lot of new and amazing people to experience.

I have my days when I need something familiar, when all this new stuff scares the shit out of me and I don't feel like I can handle it.

I blocked him on aim and my email. I didn't want to... but I needed to. Every single time I get an email I'm hoping its him... and I can't live like that when it'll never be him. And I know that.

I can handle it today... today I feel a little stronger than I did yesterday.



On repeat today:
"You've ruined me now
Though I liked it now I'm ruined
Your chocolate eyes
Like buttons of lies

You've ruined me now
Though I liked it now I'm ruined
I'm trying to part
With what's in my heart

You've ruined me and how
I thought I liked it but I'm ruined
My whole world's now
Turned upside down

I heard me say I'm going away
But now I write you everyday
You heard me say I'm going away
But I'm on the floor outside your door

You've ruined me now
You've ruined me now..."
Norah Jones, You've Ruined Me